dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
