Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
