Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
soo... how was my night?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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