how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
