Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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