The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
