i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
