That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
