Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
