My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
