You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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