Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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