The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
