Plan B is the new Plan A
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
