there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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