dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
