Define "chronic" masturbator.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
