You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
