All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sext me about skeletons
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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