I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
