Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
