also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i was born a porn star she said
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
