Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
