What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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