If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
