what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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