That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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