does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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