her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
