I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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