My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
