So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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