Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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