Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
no you cant smoke seaweed
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
