trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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