i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think i have herpe
just one?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's blow job season.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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