as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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