he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We are all done wearing pants today
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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