She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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