She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think pants incapable of making pants work
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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