you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
