The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Someone shit on the floor
You can't motorboat a personality
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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