I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
