No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
