Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
