You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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