I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
