the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
this hospital has no fireball
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
