Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
