I seem to have left my pride at pride
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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