All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
