I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
